The Write Flyer

Well it's been over a year since I fell in love with Morgan. Since then I've told her how I felt, and it never really went over well. Just looking over some of my previous entries got me thinking about the situation.

It seemed every time I told her, she would threaten our friendship. I'm not sure if that's a defense mechanism, or if she just really doesn't feel anything about me. I thought for a while I actually had a chance with this woman.

Just the same as when I visited for Christmas, the last time I visited went equally bad. Just thinking back about what transpired between me and her, I cringe. I can never say the right thing, and when I try to be honest, it just fucks me.

I spent a lot of time being depressed about the whole thing again. Cried a lot, got drunk a lot. Same old story. My parents think I'm nuts for even stressing about this crap. To an extent I agree. People have been telling me for nearly a year(the entire time) that it's a bad idea. I think it's my personality. I don't think of a relationship as purely physical, or just a fling. I'm always thinking long term. I have the desire for the physicality, but I fall in love too easily. I take things for granted, and just over analyze things.

I had an almost one night stand with a girl in Florida, and the next week I was all stressed out, and tweaked hardcore about it. My friend warned me it would be an issue, and it wasn't at first. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't had a lot of relationships, or maybe I'm just naive? I don't know.

Kari is still a mystery to me. I can't make up my mind about her. I know I'm still in love with her. I think I'm just in denial about the whole thing. I'm convinced I need to move on. I feel that if I don't experience something different, I'll live with a regret. Yet I feel that I'm letting go of something so pure and wonderful. I have love, and I'm choosing to find love.

It's like a forbidden fruit or something. Every time I see her, It's too much to bear. I have to kiss her, hold her, touch her. Anything. I want to explore new relationships, but I can't stand the thought of her having a relationship. I think that's a little messed up. Maybe I need therapy. That might help me with a lot of things.

I haven't made any progress in finding my birth parents. I think my parents are too busy to even think about it. I need to make progress with this. If something happens to them, I won't be able to live with myself for not getting it taken care of in time. I'm so excited to talk to my mother. It's dizzying how much I want to meet her.

My flying has been getting a little better. I think I'm actually making progress with some of it. I still have issues with some of the logical thinking required, but it's slowly getting better. I can see my progress, and it's amazing to think about. I wish I could get this training over with faster than it will actually happen. I'm really excited to be an instructor.

I guess that's all that's going on in my life right now. I can't really think of anything else worth mentioning. I should keep this updated more often, I really enjoy looking back on it. I can see how much I've grown emotionally just with the Morgan crap.

I love you Morgan. Too bad for you. I have given up on it, and probably won't ever think about it again. You're my best friend in the whole world, and I would do anything for you.

Well after a few days of repeating lessons, I've finally come out on top again. I'm currently waiting for my step 4a stage check to be scheduled.

I guess this is a stage check to help break up the FAA instrument flight a little bit. There is a lot of information required to memorize, and this breaks it into two checks. However- some of the items I have been required to become proficient at, seem to be little or no use in practical IFR flight. I'm not the kind of person who will do something just for the sake of doing it. There needs to be purpose, and function to it. I lack to see the purpose of some of these items. To my dismay, it's costing me a lot of money to learn them too.

Oh well. Hopefully I can get this part over with, and get into the real IFR flying. The next step for me will include actual IFR flights, and flights to other airports. I'll be shooting approaches, and talking with ATC, all them shenanigans. So I'm pretty excited to get to that.

The school has picked up a lot of students as of late. The August classes I think are about 30 people. They're expecting another 30 in September too. This is good news for CFI's. Which will be good news for me in a few months. Right now we have about 180 students, and only about 20 instructors. That leaves about 9 students per instructor. Which is a lot for one instructor. Hopefully that ratio doesn't decrease too much by the time I finally make it to instructing. If they hire too many CFI's, the ratio will go down to about 2-3 students per instructor, which means it takes a lot longer to complete your contract with the school. I'm not excited about staying here longer than a few years.

Right now I'm trying to stay focused on my end goal. Getting paid to fly, to do something that I love. It's been a long winding road so far, and I have lost sight of my goal a few times. My advice for anyone, stay the course. It's easier to stay on task, and celebrate at the end, then to take a break when you think you need it.

Till we meet again.

Well after a lengthy vacation from Florida, I’m back into the swing of things.

Currently I’m at the end of the first half of my instrument rating training. This week I have been working in the Frasca to get my skills back to where they were when I left. Today I had a 2 hour flight in the Seminole to analyze how my flying was.

Everything went better than it has been going. I still have some issues with tracking and intercepting from an outbound course, to an inbound course. I need to perfect my altitude holding, and my scan.

So next week I will go back into the plane for another flight to finish up what I’m working on, then a ground brief and I’ll be ready for my stage check. I have a ton of studying to do to be prepared for that stage check though.

Moral of the story is, try not to take a lengthy vacation in the middle of your instrument rating. It sucks.

I have been working on step 4 for about a week now. This is the step where I work towards my Instrument rating. Up until today I have been just working in the simulator, and ground lessons. Today I had my first flight in the twin with emphasis on instrument training.

For this flight I was primarily under the hood. Which only allows me to see my instruments, and not out the window. This simulates instrument meteorological conditions, which could be encountered during IFR flight.

The flight went incredibly well, I flew everything nearly perfectly. It all came together, and I feel like I'm getting the hang of it. The procedures are a little different, and I'm still adapting, but I don't see any reason for it to cause trouble for me.

Getting closer and closer, and it just gets better and better.

Well I passed my check ride today in an extremely long 1.6

It was overall a good ride, with a few little things that I fumbled. Small checklist items, or memory items, that I forgot. The check airman was very kind to remind me, and help me complete them.

I felt ok about the whole thing, but was still worried when it was over. I wasn’t sure if the simple mistakes I made were enough to fail, or if he had even decided to pass or fail me. I wish that when they knew I have passed, they would tell me right then. Closing up the plane, and walking back to the flight ops building without knowing if you pass or failed, can seem like a really long walk.

I’m just glad it’s over, and now on to Instrument training.